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Eleven Ways to Energize Your Marriage

April 26, 2019

Have you ever wondered how to energize your marriage when life is so darn busy? Jobs, kids, and all the things leave your energy tank running on empty most of the time. Whether you have one minute or can carve out an entire weekend, it’s important to be proactive about bringing positive energy and intentional effort to your relationship with your husband. The little things add up and the big things make a lasting impact.

Energize your marriage in one minute:

It’s the little things that mean the most. In the midst of our busy, day-to-day lives, our husbands are encouraged by the small courtesies and gestures that are beyond easy to do (and easy not to do).

1.Bring him a drink. Is he working in the yard? Sitting at the computer? Watching TV? Without him asking, bring him a cup of coffee, glass of water, or a cold beer.

2. Make his plate. I know…you have three kids’ plates to make and everything else to do before you get to your own. But, what if every now and then you made his plate first, just to let you know you’re thinking of him? Men love to be taken care of!

3. Stop for an unexpected smooch. When you walk past him in the kitchen or he walks in the door from work, grab his face and give him a kiss he won’t soon forget! (Bonus points for a pinch on the rear.)

4. Let him hear you talking good about him. Tell the kids why he’s the best dad around or why you’re so lucky to be his wife. Brag on him to your mom about his home improvement skills or the project he excelled on at work.

5. Leave him a note on the bathroom mirror, in his car, or tuck it away in his suitcase before he heads out of town.

In a few hours:

If you’ve got a free morning, afternoon, or evening, energize your marriage in just a few hours with these ideas.

6. Plan a date night. Fix your hair, put on some lipstick and a cute outfit, and get out of the house! Head to your favorite restaurant just because.

7. Join him in a favorite activity. Does he love to golf? Schedule a tee time and play with him (or at least drive him around in the golf cart). Is he a car guy? Find a car show in your area and surprise him by taking him there for the afternoon. Gun guy? Ask him to take you to the gun range for some shooting practice. Go to a baseball game together. The sky is the limit!

8. Watch a movie you’ve both been wanting to see. Cuddling is mandatory! (Try not to fall asleep. I’ve heard people sometimes do that.)

In a few days:

You’ll never regret taking a few days away or investing time in some high-impact activities for you and your marriage.

9. Plan a getaway. Find a marriage conference in your area, hop on a plane or take a road trip to your favorite city, or simply schedule a couple nights in a romantic hotel or nearby bed and breakfast. Sometimes a change of scenery is more energizing than you can imagine.

10. Read a book on marriage. Some of my favorites for both husband and wife are Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs, The Love Dare by Alex Kendrick, and The Kingdom Marriage by Tony Evans. (Have you seen my post on the 9 Books That Built Me?)

11. Take a class. Look in your church or in your area for a marriage class, parenting class, or financial resource class. When you become better in these areas, it encourages and energizes your marriage.

Marriage is a journey that ebbs and flows over the course of a lifetime. Not every season is filled with laughs, getaways, and roses. Some seasons are tough…maybe not enjoyable at all. But we all know that feelings are indicators, not dictators. Tell your feelings where to go and do it anyway. Start with a minute, go for a few hours, and then try a few days. Because building a good marriage (even creating one that doesn’t yet exist) is worth it. Follow along on Instagram for weekly Wifey Wednesday ideas on energizing your marriage!

5 Ways a Busy Mom Can Be Present

April 5, 2019

Sitting on the couch, computer in lap, I’m working feverishly toward a fast-approaching deadline. The sound of siblings squabbling and the ever-present toddler fighting for that coveted spot in my lap makes my brain feel like it’s the object of a fierce game of tug-of-war at an elementary school field day. The desperate desire to escape the chaos and work in a quiet, kid-free environment is real, but it comes with a real boatload of mom-guilt.

All I ever wanted to be was a mom. True story. As a teenager, I dreamed of having a baby. And when I was first married and wanted to have kids right that minute, the fact that my husband wanted to wait a while devastated me. Luckily, God was on my side. #surprise

Fast forward 14 years and three kids later. Being a mom is the best, hardest job in. the. world. Can I get a witness? It’s something that I so desperately want to get right. With three kids in three different stages, it’s really tough to get it all right with all the kids all the time. And by “tough,” I mean “impossible.” In this stage of life as a work-at-home mom, I’m finding it most difficult to be fully present in the midst of all the busyness.

I’m going to go out on a limb and presume that you can relate. Whether you’re a work-at-home mom, work-outside-the-home mom, a stay-at-home mom, or some combination of all of three, I bet you get it. Every day I purpose to be more intentional and more present in each moment. I often have to let things go in order to find an acceptable balance for my blessed tug-of-war brain in my sweet, busy life.

When I feel most present, I’ve eliminated the distractions that can be eliminated for that time. When I realize I’m fighting to be present, I stop whatever else I’m doing that’s taking my attention away from them. Trying to work while they’re swarming around me is so inefficient it’s not even worth it. Listening to a podcast that I have to keep pausing every time they walk into the room is downright frustrating. I can get to that another time. If I’ve failed to prepare or plan dinner ahead of time and I’m stressed about it now, I can let it go and pick up Subway sandwiches instead (and cookies…I’m not gon’ lie).

Of course there are times that I have to steal away to fulfill my obligations, but it’s far more acceptable to them (and to me) when this is the exception, not the rule. This means very early mornings and sometimes late nights (although I have a serious inability to stay awake after a long day! I’ve fallen asleep at my computer more times than I can count.). What can wait, can wait. And I’ve come to realize that most things can if I’ve planned my week halfway decently. When something can’t wait, everyone is more understanding when they know I’m usually present with them.

When I feel most present, I’m talking to them often. I talk to them about stuff that matters to them. Their favorite athletes, the latest news on their chosen teams, their video game accomplishments, their friends, their successes, their failures, their grades, their hopes and dreams. Connecting with them in this way ensures our relationship is a top priority. They know I’m always there to lend an ear and a word of encouragement.

When I feel most present, I’m spending quality time with them. Putting aside my own agenda to step into their world helps me connect with them in a way I couldn’t otherwise. While it’s important to be at the games, recitals, and school plays, I’m talking about quality time together just because you want to be with your child. Playing catch, watching a movie or YouTube videos together, taking them to a ball game, watching them play their latest favorite video game, or playing a game of cards or a board game together shows love in a unique and essential way. Where we spend our time is evidence of what’s most important, and our kids know that.

When I feel most present, we’re eating together as a family. If you haven’t read my post on the importance of family dinners, you’ll want to check it out. This is an invaluable habit that has unending, proven benefits for the kids and family as a whole. It’s a great time to slow down, look each other in the eyes, laugh, and talk about our days, our plans, and our highs and lows. (Insert paper plates, messes, half-dressed kids, loud voices, and sometimes parental threats, but we are at the table and we’re all going to enjoy it, dadgummit!).

When I feel most present, I sit or lay in bed with them for a few minutes at bedtime. I don’t know why, but this is a big one (and maybe the hardest, because at this point I’m so tired myself!). Bedtime is a wonderful opportunity to reflect on the day. The kids get especially chatty. This is probably just a stall tactic, but who cares? They open up big time at bedtime! I sometimes read a chapter of a novel to my boys at bedtime. This is special because it gives us a connection we can refer back to in the days, weeks, and years to come.

I try to keep at the forefront of my mind just how fleeting these years are. They’re a whirlwind, really. Heaven forbid I realize my nest is almost empty before deciding to slow down, soak it in, and be present.

Make the World a Better Place

February 24, 2020

20 Quick and Easy Random Acts of Kindness to Brighten Someone’s Day

Did you know there’s actually a day set aside for Random Acts of Kindness? How cool is that? It was officially on February 17 (in 2020, that is), but I say any ol’ day will do. Unnecessary kindness is the BEST, isn’t it?

Sometimes it’s the littlest things that make the biggest difference. God uses His people every day to love on and encourage our fellow humans, so let’s explore some easy, inexpensive ways to unexpectedly brighten someone else’s day! Let’s make the world a better place one random act of kindness at a time.

Pay for the person’s order behind you in the drive-thru. I love doing this and I love it when someone does this for me!
Take your kids’ teachers a drink from Sonic. Ask them what their favorites are and surprise them from time to time.
Take dinner to your neighbor. Just bring him or her a serving of what you’re having! Bonus points for taking dessert, too.
Call your grandma. She’d love to hear from you.
Send a card just because. (To an old friend, a former teacher, or someone who made a difference in your life)
Leave an encouraging note for your boss or coworker. How unexpected and kind!
When out to eat with a group, everyone tip a little (or a lot) extra, adding up to a huge deal for the waiter. I saw this idea on Facebook. How cool is that?!
Pray for someone you don’t know. (A stressed-out mom, a sad-looking person you see, the person in the ambulance driving by)
Anonymously pay for an elderly couple’s meal (or someone eating alone) at a restaurant.
Tell someone they’re doing a great job (a waiter, cashier, grocery stocker, teacher, hostess). Let’s get real: they probably never ever hear those words from anyone.
On trash day, take your neighbor’s trash can back up to their house for them.
Pick up trash from a neighbor’s yard, a common area, or a neighborhood park.
Visit a nursing home or rehabilitation center. If you plan ahead, call and let them know you’ll host a game of bingo and bring prizes for the residents! (My son’s student council does this, and it’s simply fantastic.)
Give a $5 or $10 gift card for lunch to the sanitation crew who picks up your garbage each week to let them know you appreciate them.
Leave out snacks and drinks for delivery people who come to your door.
Take a rose (or a bouquet of flowers) to a single mom or widow, just so she knows you’re thinking of her.
Keep stickers in your purse with encouraging words like, “Way to Go!/You’re Awesome!/Keep it Up!” to hand out randomly to cashiers, waiters, drive-thru workers, baristas, stressed-out mamas in Target, their kids…you get the idea.
Offer to bring your hairstylist a coffee, drink, or lunch when on your way to your next hair appointment.
Let someone go in front of you in the check-out line at the grocery store. (You know…if your basket is overflowing and they only have six items.)
Offer to take a single (or busy) mom’s kid to practice, to a movie, or for a playdate at your house. You never know how helpful and life-saving that could be for her.

Here’s the gist: Be unnecessarily kind. If you notice something good, SAY IT! If you know of someone who needs help, DO IT! If you see a need you can meet, GO FOR IT! Those little things really do make a big difference. Research shows the quickest way to get out of our own funk is to serve other people. It really IS better to give than to receive. Happy RAOKing!

I’m Unraveled

February 4, 2020

“Find me faithful,” I whisper to the Lord as I pull back the covers and follow the sound of my phone alarm plugged in across the room. That’s become my mantra lately: Find me faithful. Through the busy, through the twists and turns, through the laughter, through the tears, through working and cooking and cleaning and mothering and marriage.

A day that starts at 5 am begs me to quit long before it’s actually time to wrap things up. Fast forward to 8 pm. After innumerable timeouts, messes, and homework battles, weariness is real and exhaustion is almost as relentless as my three-year-old who never ceases to get out of bed 12 times before finally falling asleep. Was I patient enough today? I should have been nicer. Are we forgetting anything for school tomorrow? Gah, whatever you do, don’t forget about the tooth fairy again.

Another night goes by in which I hopelessly glance at the menacing laundry pile in the corner. It taunts me more and more with every new ketchup-stained shirt and stinky sock. Surely I’ll get to it tomorrow.

The painful bumps on my chin demand a dermatologist visit in which she asks, “Are you especially stressed?” I don’t even know how to answer that. Is it possible that that’s just my way of life?

A cycle of tired, busy, self-doubting days creates a week and unwaveringly promises to bring another one full of the same. Tomorrow I might have it together, but today, I’m unraveled.

Why is this so hard? This lovely life I’ve created with intention…the details of which I adore, cherish, and hold dear. The season I find myself in is demanding, precious, and oh-so-fleeting. I love it so much and it’s just so hard.

I endure. I keep on keeping on. I must give and give and give because it’s now or never. Rather than the laundry, I’ll sit on the side of my son’s bed and talk about his day. Rather than the sweeping, I’ll read bedtime stories, scratch backs, and sing songs. Rather than work I’ll lay with my husband on the couch and watch a tiny bit of TV with his foot in my hand because many days those are the only moments I look forward to.

I’ll browse Instagram later and wonder how she does it better. I’ll wish for her life even though I know I wouldn’t trade mine for the world. I’ll go to bed exhausted and wake up tired with those same three words, “Find me faithful.” Through the busy, through the twists and turns, through the laughter, through the tears, through working and cooking and cleaning and mothering and marriage.

A Speck on a Rug

January 27, 2020

When we can’t wrap our brains around life and death, a Godly perspective can help.

Perspective. There’s nothing like death to center the soul and provide a healthy dose of perspective on life.

We were sitting at Chili’s when my phone illuminated with the notification that Kobe Bryant had been killed in a helicopter accident (we later learned his daughter tragically went with him). There were nine total deaths in the accident. Moms, daughters, husbands, and sons.

This was the first time a celebrity my boys look up to had died. The looks on their faces were so confused. The questions quickly flowed from their minds to their mouths. “Why? Why would this happen? Why would God allow it? What’s the purpose of that?”

The reality is that this happens every day. People lose husbands, wives, parents, siblings, and children on a daily basis. This is a harsh reality of the broken world we live in. Exactly like my kids, I’ve often been in that place of wondering why. My heart has shattered for loved ones lost and tragedies that have hit way too close to home. In those tender moments when I’ve turned my wondering eyes to God full of fear and questions, He has comforted me and gifted me with a small glimpse of His holy perspective on death and life, and I try desperately to impart that to my children.

A Speck on a Rug

“Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” James 4:14

Our lives are merely a vapor in the wind. Our perspectives are limited; our view totally restricted. I often catch sight of the tiniest speck on a rug and liken that to our entire existence on earth. (I mean, honestly, there are usually lots of specks and I pick a kid to vacuum. But, that’s beside the point.) The rug in its entirety is eternity, the big picture. We are only able to see the speck. That’s all we know. The speck is our whole 100 years or less. Our perspective starts and ends there. God, on the other hand, sees the whole rug. He knows far more than we know; sees far more than we see.

A Moment in Time

To consider our lives from the perspective of time, I think of our lives as an hour-long party on any given day. We may just stop by for 15 minutes or so, or we may stay the whole time. We may have fun, we may think the party totally stinks, but it’s just an hour or less, so we have much more to look forward to. We don’t center our lives around the party; it’s just a small part of the day. Our time here on earth is just a tiny bit of time compared to the eternity that lies ahead. May we be ever-mindful of the impermanence of our human bodies, and focus rather on things that last.

An Eternal Perspective

To get a grasp of eternal perspective, the book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible is a great one to study. King Soloman literally had it all. He was blessed with everything God has to offer us on this earth, and over his lifetime he came to realize that everything that this world has to offer is meaningless. He like, really drives that point home in this book. I mean really.

Do you know how often I forget this God-granted perspective on life? Do you know how often I get totally consumed in the things of this world? I catch myself chasing after the wind far more than I’d like to admit. The truth is, this earthly life is all we really know so far. But, in faith, we can grasp hold of an eternal perspective, allowing God to help us focus on things that are eternal rather than just that one speck on the rug.

What Matters?

The Bible tells us we have two main goals: Love GOD and love others. How much of what we do is centered around those two things? If your busy, self-centered life looks like mine, it may look a lot like loving work, money, things, activities, food, sleep, leisure…ugh. My list is a lot longer than loving God and loving people. When I’m yet again awakened to this perspective, I center my soul and ask God to bring into my focus His eternal purpose for my life.

Let’s vow again to love our people well. Let’s let the little things go. Let’s say yes to our kids more often. Let’s slow down. Let’s linger with our spouse a little longer. Let’s make time for lunch with friends. Let’s not focus so much on things that pass away, but focus more on loving God and loving people however we can in each moment.