Calling Archives - Page 2 of 15

5 Ways a Busy Mom Can Be Present

April 5, 2019

Sitting on the couch, computer in lap, I’m working feverishly toward a fast-approaching deadline. The sound of siblings squabbling and the ever-present toddler fighting for that coveted spot in my lap makes my brain feel like it’s the object of a fierce game of tug-of-war at an elementary school field day. The desperate desire to escape the chaos and work in a quiet, kid-free environment is real, but it comes with a real boatload of mom-guilt.

All I ever wanted to be was a mom. True story. As a teenager, I dreamed of having a baby. And when I was first married and wanted to have kids right that minute, the fact that my husband wanted to wait a while devastated me. Luckily, God was on my side. #surprise

Fast forward 14 years and three kids later. Being a mom is the best, hardest job in. the. world. Can I get a witness? It’s something that I so desperately want to get right. With three kids in three different stages, it’s really tough to get it all right with all the kids all the time. And by “tough,” I mean “impossible.” In this stage of life as a work-at-home mom, I’m finding it most difficult to be fully present in the midst of all the busyness.

I’m going to go out on a limb and presume that you can relate. Whether you’re a work-at-home mom, work-outside-the-home mom, a stay-at-home mom, or some combination of all of three, I bet you get it. Every day I purpose to be more intentional and more present in each moment. I often have to let things go in order to find an acceptable balance for my blessed tug-of-war brain in my sweet, busy life.

When I feel most present, I’ve eliminated the distractions that can be eliminated for that time. When I realize I’m fighting to be present, I stop whatever else I’m doing that’s taking my attention away from them. Trying to work while they’re swarming around me is so inefficient it’s not even worth it. Listening to a podcast that I have to keep pausing every time they walk into the room is downright frustrating. I can get to that another time. If I’ve failed to prepare or plan dinner ahead of time and I’m stressed about it now, I can let it go and pick up Subway sandwiches instead (and cookies…I’m not gon’ lie).

Of course there are times that I have to steal away to fulfill my obligations, but it’s far more acceptable to them (and to me) when this is the exception, not the rule. This means very early mornings and sometimes late nights (although I have a serious inability to stay awake after a long day! I’ve fallen asleep at my computer more times than I can count.). What can wait, can wait. And I’ve come to realize that most things can if I’ve planned my week halfway decently. When something can’t wait, everyone is more understanding when they know I’m usually present with them.

When I feel most present, I’m talking to them often. I talk to them about stuff that matters to them. Their favorite athletes, the latest news on their chosen teams, their video game accomplishments, their friends, their successes, their failures, their grades, their hopes and dreams. Connecting with them in this way ensures our relationship is a top priority. They know I’m always there to lend an ear and a word of encouragement.

When I feel most present, I’m spending quality time with them. Putting aside my own agenda to step into their world helps me connect with them in a way I couldn’t otherwise. While it’s important to be at the games, recitals, and school plays, I’m talking about quality time together just because you want to be with your child. Playing catch, watching a movie or YouTube videos together, taking them to a ball game, watching them play their latest favorite video game, or playing a game of cards or a board game together shows love in a unique and essential way. Where we spend our time is evidence of what’s most important, and our kids know that.

When I feel most present, we’re eating together as a family. If you haven’t read my post on the importance of family dinners, you’ll want to check it out. This is an invaluable habit that has unending, proven benefits for the kids and family as a whole. It’s a great time to slow down, look each other in the eyes, laugh, and talk about our days, our plans, and our highs and lows. (Insert paper plates, messes, half-dressed kids, loud voices, and sometimes parental threats, but we are at the table and we’re all going to enjoy it, dadgummit!).

When I feel most present, I sit or lay in bed with them for a few minutes at bedtime. I don’t know why, but this is a big one (and maybe the hardest, because at this point I’m so tired myself!). Bedtime is a wonderful opportunity to reflect on the day. The kids get especially chatty. This is probably just a stall tactic, but who cares? They open up big time at bedtime! I sometimes read a chapter of a novel to my boys at bedtime. This is special because it gives us a connection we can refer back to in the days, weeks, and years to come.

I try to keep at the forefront of my mind just how fleeting these years are. They’re a whirlwind, really. Heaven forbid I realize my nest is almost empty before deciding to slow down, soak it in, and be present.

The Time I Got It Right

March 26, 2019

“Mom, thanks for being understanding and nice.” The words from my 12-year-old sank in and settled in my soul. This time, I got it right.

There’s something about having a prepubescent adolescent and a toddler at the same time (let’s not forget the one in between that really keeps things exciting) that has a tendency to truly expose the many weaknesses of a tired, stressed-out mom. (Or maybe that’s not it at all. Maybe it’s just the one preteen. Just let me go with it. It makes for a really good excuse, no?)

It’s the after-school hours that really put my frailties on display. Things like fussy toddlers, messes, homework, sibling rivalry, discipline, bad grades, dinner, practices, and dishes all demand my attention at exactly the same time. Add to that a preteen attitude (that if it wasn’t so darn offensive it would be hilarious) and well, If I’m being honest, I’m not always that understanding and nice.

You know the drill. Sometimes they’re outgoing, witty, in great spirits, and downright fun to be around. But, lest you get comfortable and think the middle-school years are going to be a breeze, that same kid will turn on you so fast you’re left wide-eyed, cutting your eyes across the room to see if anyone else just witnessed this anomaly.

I never know exactly what I’ll find when my middle-schooler gets in the car after school each afternoon. It’s usually the silly, rambunctious kid I know who’s thrilled to finally be out of the classroom and desperately itching to get outside and burn off pent up energy. On the other hand, there are times he’s entirely moody, and even he doesn’t know why. When there’s a reason, he tells me. Sometimes, there’s simply not a reason to be found. He doesn’t even understand it, bless his heart.

You see, hormones are mean when you’re in middle school. Not only do they mess with your body and physical appearance, but they also mess with your mind and emotions. Stress hormones, sex hormones, and growth hormones have their way with every unsuspecting middle school child. Sometimes they feel really down, sad, angry, or confused, and they don’t even see it coming. It’s really not fair.

It’s in these times that, if I can rein in my tendency to try to control his words, actions, and feelings, I have the chance to connect with the heart of my growing boy and be exactly who he needs me to be when he needs me to be it. If I can ace this test, I’ll always have his heart. As a loving mother, I may be called to relinquish the expectations of my preteen being reasonable, respectful, and rational even if just for a moment. These opportunities are fleeting (thank God, amiright?) and we can either use them to strengthen our bond or lose them and a little bit of their heart in the process. Don’t panic, moms and dads. Hear me closely. I get this wrong more than I get this right. But, even just sometimes getting it right means my boy knows my heart’s attitude toward him. When he told me thank you, I silently vowed to myself that I’d try my best to always be exactly what he needs during these tough moments in the future.

He needs me to be patient. He needs me not to ask questions, demand answers, insist that he change his attitude, or apologize to his brother right this second.

He needs me to be understanding. He needs to know that it’s okay. He needs to hear that it’s okay to not feel okay sometimes and that we’ll get through it together. No, I’m not a punching bag for the moody rants of my preteen, but I can and should see his struggles for what they are and respectfully lend a hand, an ear, and be part of the solution.

He needs encouragement. He needs me to lift him up. He needs me to stay upbeat and not fall into the trap of reciprocating his attitude problem. He needs to hear, “Why don’t you get outside and shoot some hoops? I bet you’ll feel better right away.” or “Some days are just like that. I remember those days in middle school. Heck, I still have them now.” or “I’m here for you if you want to talk. I am confident you’re going to be a-okay.”

He needs a hug. Yep. Hug the porcupine. Give him a pat on the back, a high five, or a fist bump. Try to make him laugh. Tell him you love him and you think he’s an awesome kid. Ask him what he wants for dinner, or tell him he can have ice cream after just because.

Friends, there are so many days I get this wrong. But on this day, I got it right. And he noticed. This great kid of mine immediately said, “Mom, thanks for being understanding and nice.” It made a world of difference. He went outside, played basketball, and was back to himself right away. Here’s the takeaway: If I had met him where he was and lashed out at his unreasonable attitude toward everyone and everything, we would’ve had a tough night. (Ask me how I know.)

As parents, we must remember that when kids sound a lot like they’re giving us a hard time it’s because they’re having a hard time. I’ll tuck away this memory of the time I got it right and hopefully duplicate it again and again in the future. Lord knows I’ll have plenty of opportunities.

Resurrection Eggs: An Easter Tradition

March 12, 2019

Spring is in the air, and that means it’s time to start making plans for Easter! What to wear, what to eat, who to spend the holiday with, and when to die Easter eggs?! Easter is such a lovely holiday, isn’t it? Sure, flowers are in full bloom, new life and greenery abound, and goodie-filled baskets are aplenty, but celebrating the Savior of the world rising from death to life is an incredible honor that leaves me in awe year after year (okay, day after day…minute after minute). But, if we’re not careful, Easter is yet another holiday that can get lost in commercialization and candy along with Halloween and Valentine’s Day.

I try to be intentional when celebrating especially meaningful holidays like Christmas and Easter. It’s important that my kids know the incredible significance these days hold. Several years ago I found these Resurrection Eggs and they quickly became an Easter tradition in our home. It can be hard for young kids to grasp the idea of a Biblical truth that still brings life today, so giving them something to see, hear, feel, and touch is essential. We faithfully use these Resurrection Eggs as an Easter tradition in our home.

The Resurrection Eggs set comes with a dozen eggs filled with trinkets that help tell the story of Jesus’ arrest, crucifixion, and resurrection. Accompanying the eggs is a booklet that correlates each portion of the story to an egg. As you read the story, the children open an egg to find a meaningful symbol to help them understand and relate to it.

You can either do them all at once or spread them out over the days leading up to Easter. Our family does them all in one sitting. The Resurrection Eggs appeal to kids of all ages. My boys are 12, 8, and 3, and we’ve been using them for years. They take turns opening the eggs after their dad or I have read the page of the story. We give them time to talk or ask questions as each child holds the item, and then we move on to the next part of the story. Spoiler alert: the final egg is empty, just like the tomb! This certainly isn’t the only time we talk about the Easter story with our kids, but it is a fun, hands-on Easter tradition that makes the Easter story come alive for our children year after year.