Do you ever get so freaking tired of asking your kids to do things over and over and over again? I don’t, I’m just asking for a friend. Pssssh. Seriously, though. Sometimes it feels like banging my head up against a wall. As it turns out, I don’t enjoy banging my head up against walls. So I avoid such banging and likewise end up avoiding asking my kids to do things I really need them to do because, quite frankly, it robs me of joy and the will to live. Have you, like me, ever just wanted to know how to get kids to listen?

Can you relate to the following scenario?

It’s been an insane day of meetings, housework, screaming babies, traffic, and/or [you fill in the blank]. You will yourself to figure out something for dinner so your people can be fed without you having to make a trip to the store. The kids get home from school and chaos ensues. They need help with homework, studying, and redoing failed assignments.

You succeed in throwing together a last-minute, healthy-ish dinner (you champion, you) just for the kids to eat three bites of just the mac n’ cheese and then announce they’re so very full, but can they please have some cereal? It’s 6:07 pm, which means you can reasonably send them to showers and baths and start the journey toward bedtime in approximately 53 minutes, but who’s counting?

It’s time for those helpful little darlings to do their after dinner chores and, as per usual, their distractions are next-level. You remind them nicely, ask them again, and again, and again before you raise your voice and start shelling out consequences. They then look at you like you’ve lost your actual mind. “Why are you being so mean, mom? Why are you so mad? We’re just playing with our brothers, mom. GOSH. It’s like you don’t even want us to play with each other.” (Your eye starts twitching.)

Exasperated, you settle for whatever they manage to accomplish, which is picking up about 50% of the toys, clothes, and shoes off the floor, wiping about 30% of the crumbs off the table, and sweeping around (but not under) the table. You really need help, but it’s just too exhausting to fight them. Knowing how to get kids to listen and act would pretty much make your life, right?

You guys, the struggle is real. I feel like I have us set up for success by establishing routines and minimal nightly chores, but, with this brood of wild boys in my lair, our reality doesn’t always pan out so perfectly. It’s not that they’re not trying to do the right thing. They’re not deliberately ignoring me, they just find it incredibly difficult to focus (I have no idea where they get that. Ahem.). It’s more that, until now, I didn’t know how to get kids to listen, focus, and move with a purpose.

Lean in closely, friends. I’ve found a way that lights a fire under rears of children of all ages. I give them 1) a specific time limit and 2) a consequence that will follow if the task isn’t completed within the given time frame. Boom. Hand to the heavens, it works almost every time. “Hey bud, if the floor isn’t swept PERFECTLY (this means “good enough” in adolescent talk) by 6:10, you’ll get an X on your chart.” (If you haven’t read my post on the simplest and most effective discipline system I’ve ever used, find it here.) Or “Kiddo, if you haven’t put your clothes away where they belong (I said you have to be specific) by 5:47, you’re going to get a pop on the bottom.” (I have a wooden spoon, and I’m not afraid to use it.)

Kids really appreciate knowing what to expect and having clear expectations. A time limit gives them the ability and the will to focus. Heck, I wish someone would do this to me all day. I’m going to try it on myself.

So, set a reasonable time expectation and be clear about what you expect to be done. Tell them the consequence that will follow if the task isn’t complete by that certain time. Make sure it’s something you’re fully ready and willing to enforce (like an “X”). In the event your kids miss the mark, enforce the consequence with no exceptions. Then give them another chance to get it right. “This time, you have until 6:02. Good luck!” This can all be done respectfully with no emotion and no raised voices. Don’t remind the kids after you’ve set the expectation. You don’t want to get yourself into the habit of nagging on top of setting time limits! (There goes your joy again.) It may take them a time or two, but after they see you mean business, they won’t test it again.

Happy timing!