Culture-Raised Kids: Part Three

Welcome to Part Three of the Culture-Raised Kids Series! My goal is to take what I’ve learned and continue to learn from the experts about raising kids in today’s culture and relay it to you in practical ways (Plus, writing it down helps me to retain it!). If you missed Part One or Part Two, make sure to go back and read those, as well! There are many elements of culture that are unique to those of us raising kids in this generation (far more than I could ever write in three blog posts, to be sure). May we not be a generation of parents who bury our heads in the sand, but rather take advantage of the tools we have at our disposal to be proactive and intentional in how we are bringing up our boys and girls. The last three elements I’m going to present in this series are TV, Movies, Video Games.

TV

I love game shows. I want to be on one, watch them, and want everyone else in the room to be as excited as I am about them. My favorite is Family Feud. Well, it was. It used to be a fun, safe show that we could plop down on the couch and watch as a family. I mean, who doesn’t love a good, healthy dose of Steve Harvey? We’d shout out answers, gloat when our answer showed up on the board, and laugh at some of our own ridiculous guesses. It used to be that if there was ever a suggestive question or answer, it was just that – not obvious or truly inappropriate. Lately, it’s become overtly unsuitable for children. There’s a constant barrage of questions and answers about sex, male and female body parts, and pornography. There is a time and a place to address these issues with our children, but I wasn’t really counting on Steve Harvey to explain the birds and the bees to my kids if ya know what I mean. We’ve had to nix it as a family-friendly option in our household. (Sad face.)

The truth is, this is the rule, not the exception. As much as I want to huff, puff, and roll my eyes at this, it’s sadly just the way it is today. Sitcoms, TV, movies, reality shows, the NEWS, it’s really all a gamble. More often than not, our kids are going to be exposed to things we’d rather them not be when they’re watching the tube.

I’d rather not fight an uphill battle, so our simple solution is that we don’t watch “our shows” when the kids are up and about. Truthfully, we almost never have the television on a regular TV station. This is one of the beauties of technology today. We can watch what we want to on-demand. The kids watch safe, age-appropriate shows on Netflix or YouTube on our TV in the living room.  

Take action!

Keep the TV turned off unless there’s a specific show the kids can watch. Some of our current family favorites are America’s Got Talent, America’s Funniest Videos, and American Ninja Warrior. Pay attention to what they’re watching or wanting to watch. Check Common Sense Media (my lifesaver – more info on this in a moment) if you’re not sure about it!

Movies

One of my biggest pain points as a boy mom is that most of the superhero movies my kids are dying to see are filled with bad language at a minimum. For the life of me, I can’t understand why filmmakers, producers, and the powers that be insist on shoving these things down our throats – especially at the expense of our children’s innocence. There are even cartoon movies with cuss words, FOR THE LOVE. And, don’t tell me that they’re not meant for or directed at children. If that was the case, Walmart’s toy aisles wouldn’t be brimming with toys promoting the movie.  

Take Action!

I don’t allow my kids to see a movie without consulting Common Sense Media. This site has an honest review of all things media – TV, movies, video games, apps, etc. Under a section titled “What Parents Need to Know,” there’s a brief synopsis of the plot (no spoilers), gives an “expert opinion” on how old a kid should be to see (or play) the movie/show/app/video game, explains the situations and topics presented in the movie (or show/app/video game), which exact words to watch out for, and rates the following categories on a scale of 1-5: Educational Value, Positive Messages, Positive Role Models and Representations, Violence and Scariness, Sexy Stuff, Language, Consumerism, and Drinking, Drugs, and Smoking. There’s also a section where real parents (and even kids) leave a review and opinion on the media. This has become an invaluable resource for our family. 

Video Games

Did you know the medical community is now acknowledging a condition called “Gaming Disorder?” Google it. There are treatment options available. There’s rehab for it. I’m not even joking! As crazy as that sounds, can we just all agree that video games are a powerful force to be reckoned with in our children’s lives? Can we agree that video games hold power and have an influence on those who play them? I could delve into brain research and scientific and behavioral studies that have been done on this topic, but to avoid an excessive amount of writing and reading, can we just reasonably assume that we, as parents, should pay attention to and regulate which games we allow our kids to play? This includes those you put into a gaming system (PlayStation, XBOX, etc.) AND the many apps you can download on the phone or tablet.

Friends, there are some dangerous, inappropriate, violent, disturbing, sick games out there. When I googled “inappropriate video games” to see if those I already know about were mentioned, I came across an article titled “Keep it Secret: 25 Inappropriate Video Games You Don’t Want to Get Caught Playing.” I hadn’t heard of even one of them. If my kid came home and asked to download one, I would never have known it was inappropriate just by the name, I assure you. We can’t expect our kids to be fine if we’re not paying close attention.

Take Grand Theft Auto, for instance. This game has been around for decades, and it just keeps getting more and more shocking. Here’s what Common Sense Media has to say about it:

WHAT PARENTS NEED TO KNOW

Parents need to know that Grand Theft Auto V is an M-rated action game brimming with gang violence, nudity, extremely coarse language, and drug and alcohol abuse. It isn’t a game for kids. Playing as hardened criminals, players kill not only fellow gangsters but also police officers and innocent civilians using both weapons and vehicles while conducting premeditated crimes, including a particularly disturbing scene involving torture. Women are frequently depicted as sexual objects, with a strip club mini-game allowing players to fondle strippers’ bodies, which are nude from the waist up. Players also have the opportunity to make their avatars use marijuana and drink alcohol, both of which impact their perception of the world. None of the main characters in the game makes for a decent role model. All of them are criminals who think of themselves first and others rarely at all. Few games are more clearly targeted to an adult audience.

I found it interesting that the average “Parent Say” rating on this site for the age recommendation on this game was 12+. Hmmm. Thanks, parents, but we’ll just have to agree to disagree on that one. How ‘bout half past never? You guys, my second grader has friends who play this game. Just no. What is getting in those kids’ heads when they play this game? What are they being desensitized to? What are they learning, seeing, and how is this impacting their thought processes? It’s not good.

What are your thoughts on the infamous Fortnite? This has been a source of a lot of discussion in our house. We first said no, because of the violence aspect, and honestly, the kids didn’t really care much about it. Then, we started hearing more about it and the kids started asking more and more. We did some in-depth research. I read just about every review on Common Sense Media. My husband and I talked it to death. I prayed about it. It doesn’t seem to be over the top – there’s no sex, drinking, drugs, smoking, or language – but it is true that the characters are killing people as opposed to monsters or aliens.

My personal take: I always want to make decisions with intention, and not say no just for the sake of convenience or for no good reason. We ultimately allowed our 11-year-old to download it onto his iPad only, play in very limited increments, and we said no to the 7-year-old playing it at all. Would it truly harm him? I genuinely don’t think so, or I wouldn’t let either of them play it. But, I must remain in control and keep a precedence set so that we don’t let negative influences edge their way in, especially at such a young age.  

Take Action!

At a bare minimum, pay attention to the ratings on video games. I have an almost no-exception policy on having no T-rated games in our home until my kids are teens (at least)! I certainly would never allow an M-rating. Play in moderation! No gaming rehab needed over here. I totally think video games have their place. I loved to play them as a kid. To be honest, I sometimes tell my kids to just be quiet and go play XBOX. Let’s simply limit the time our kids spend playing them. We personally say NO gaming on school nights and play in moderation on weekends. Research the apps they’re asking for. In our home, the parents are the only ones who know the iTunes password and we have to enter it for every app downloaded. We avoid live games on XBOX and turn off the chat feature whenever possible. The chat feature on video games is a real source of danger to look out for. This is often a pedophile’s playground. Teach your kids to create usernames that don’t include any part of their real names, and to never give out personal information online at all.

Thank you to those of you who took the journey along this three-part series with me. This is a heavy topic that I feel I could write about forever and ever without stopping. I’m passionate about guarding our kids’ hearts and minds. If we as their parents don’t, no one else will. If we don’t raise them with intention, the culture will gladly take over. Intentionality is the only path to raising our children with strong values, instilling in them a solid moral compass, and equipping them to reach others for the Kingdom.