Influencing Our Kids With Intention
Influences consist of everything we take in on any given day. What we see, what we read, where we go, what we hear, who we interact with…all of these things have an influence on US, our MINDS, our LIVES, and our KIDS.
In this automated era we’re living in, we take a lot for granted. We don’t have to work so hard to entertain our kids (thanks, iPad apps!), help with homework (thanks, YouTube!), or screen movies (thanks, Netflix!). Spotify keeps us from having to purchase music at all (good thing), just as much as it keeps us from knowing what our kids are listening to (bad thing). No need to get a cell phone plan for your teen or child. They can FaceTime or chat on various apps with nothing more than an internet connection. This is a new day in parenting!
The influences around us and our kids are ever-present…screaming in our faces, creeping into our minds, and occupying our hearts. Shockingly, we often remain completely passive toward them as if they’re something we can’t control. Even worse, they are sometimes of no concern whatsoever.
Influence is defined as “the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something.” Influences mold who we are. They’re either positive or negative, but they’re always there. What influences do you hope mold your children’s character? Your own personal development? Your children’s behavior? What influences are infiltrating your life and that of your children?
George Barna of Barna Research Group recently spoke on Family Talk. (This is a program I listen to regularly on my One Place app. See my post on how I use the app here. I definitely recommend it!) According to their research, there are three main influences that significantly impact us and our kids.
Media
It turns out grandma was right: Garbage in, garbage out.
I remember my mom having reservations about some of the music I chose to listen to as a teenager. I assured her that it wouldn’t affect me at all. Lucky for me, she knew better. You can’t take in mass communication by the gallon: TV, internet, social media, music, news, magazines, books, etc., and determine they’re not going to affect you any more than you could eat only Oreos and drink only Coke for the rest of your life and determine you’re going to stay physically healthy. It simply doesn’t work that way!
Family
This comes as no surprise! Values, morals, and beliefs are caught more than they’re taught. Our kids learn from who we are and the conditions of the environment we place them in. How we handle money, success, conflict, trials, etc., influences them for life. What we expose them to on a daily basis shapes who they are, how they think, and what they do. The boundaries we put in place and the relationship we have with our kids are critical.
Government
This influence is important because it determines the trajectory of our culture. That’s why we need to step up (talking to myself here) and take an active role and interest in at least voting for the right people and the important issues that will shape the future of society.
For the sake of ourselves, our children, and their futures, we must not bury our heads in the sand and let outside influences shape them. It’s true that it takes work, thought, time, effort, and energy, all of which we’re running low on. But, if we are intentional about what is going into our minds and especially that of our children, we will reap endless, eternal benefits.
Here are two simple ways to make sure you’re influencing your kids with intention.
1. Pay attention to what your children are listening to, watching, and playing! I search Common Sense Media before my kids ever watch a movie/go to the movies. It gives details on almost any movie regarding what subject matter is dealt with, what language is used, and what messages are portrayed. It’s a wonderful resource!
Pay attention to the music they’re listening to, what video games they’re playing, which apps they’re on, what they’re watching on YouTube, what they’re searching on the internet, etc. There’s a lot of content out there that their minds are not ready for, but too many are exposed to. Be involved! Say no when you need to. I don’t feel the need to offer much of an explanation to my kids except that it’s “inappropriate” if that’s the case. Stay consistent!
2. Who are your children learning from, hanging out with, talking to, texting? Make sure you’re involved in these things, being a good influence for your kids, and talking to them about the important AND unimportant stuff more than they’re talking to anyone else. Just talk to them. Ask questions. Be there. Hang out with them. Do what they like doing. Personal influences are the most powerful. It’s up to you to guide them and monitor outside relationships, especially as they’re getting older.
Pray for wisdom, discernment, and just be there and be aware. We can do this, parents!